Dear darling baby,

Are you really there? You were just a prayer once, an idyllic dream of mine and daddy’s. You’re like this new mainstay character we created in our head for the upcoming seasons of our real-life sitcom. We would sometimes find ourselves daydreaming and picturing random scenes of our lives with you in it. I can’t believe how God answered our prayer so soon.

I will never forget the morning you made us aware of your presence. It was the longest three minutes of our lives as your dad and I stood by the bathroom sink and waited for the two red lines to appear. I don’t know with your daddy, but a lot was running through my head. Are we really ready? Can we handle this? Is now the right time?

And slowly, two blurred red lines appeared and became clearer by the seconds. I looked at your dad. He was all smiles beaming with joy. Truth be told, I was scared and anxious and worried. Having you means we have to reevaluate our priorities in the coming years. My career plans would have to take a back seat for I have a bigger role to take on. But my darling baby, despite all the mixed emotions, I know that deep in my heart of hearts, I was overjoyed.

I used to picture myself pregnant, looking like one of those lucky beautiful moms-to-be basking in their pregnancy glow and all its glory. But here I am, sluggish and bloated with clustered acne bumps on my forehead. My days and nights are spent in between runs to the bathroom to either throw-up or pee and lie still on my bed hoping my nausea and dizziness stops. I can barely eat anything; even water tastes bitter. I can’t remember the last time I actually felt like myself. But my dear baby, you are worth it. 

I remember our first ultrasound visit. You were just 10 weeks old, and more than an inch long. You had your tiny arms and legs. Your dad and I swear we saw you waved at us. We heard your heartbeat and it was the most beautiful sound our souls have heard.  You were only as big as a prune and yet you bring so much joy, the kind that is more than what we can imagine. Our home was filled with so much love, happiness and excitement. Your Tati Angel and Tito Lucky are annoyingly tenacious members of team baby. Nanay and Tatay would always cook for us to make sure we’re properly nourished. Your Titos and Titas, Mama and Papa from Bulacan will always ask how you are.

I love your daddy so much already but when you came, I have loved him even more. He’s a good husband and I’m sure he’ll be a great father. Sometimes, I would wake up in the wee hours of the night to find his head on my belly or he’d be singing silly songs to you hoping you would recall his voice. Your dad loves you so much that I’m worried he might spoil you.

We’re counting the days my love and we can’t wait to see you. Know that you’re already loved even before you’re born.

Love,

Mommy